BOOKS (Updated 1/2/08) 

In my experience, people in my business frequently enjoy the same books, films, and music. Since I'm often asked about my favourites, here are some books: (Films and music used to be on here, under different buttons on the web-site. Research showed that nobody cared enough for me to bother updating them, and frankly, they don't vary as much as my book-preferences, so I've deleted them)

I read a hell of a lot. I've excluded obvious classics, like Dickens, Kipling, Dostoevsky, A.A.Milne, Conrad and so on. These below are more current, and may never even become classics...but I'd hate you to miss them.
Incidentally, I've put books I really dislike in red, like that. Don't want you to think I'd actually recommended them!

Bold italics means "do not miss this one"
Underlined Bold Italics means "do not miss this one or your entire life will have been pointless".

BOOKS I'M CURRENTLY READING, or have just read...or which are on the bedside table.

Lost Worlds. Michael Bywater. I've read everything I can by this bloke, ever since he was a dyspeptic ranter on the now-defunct 'Punch' magazine. He now writes regularly in The Independent. This is, I guess, placeable in the Grumpy Old Men genre, but actually it's MUCH more important than that. If you're over forty and English, you have to read it. If you're over sixty, it's the story of your life. His latest, 'Big Babies' has a horrid cover-design, but is, if anything, even more grumpy. I LOVED it!

Pontoon. Garrison Keillor. I was reminded how much I liked his work when I recognised his as the voice-over on the rightly award-winning Honda series of commercials (in itself an inspired choice). My recommendation, though, is first to buy one of the original audio-books, which feature a selection of his radio talks called 'The Prairie Home Companion'. If you like those, you'll adore his books.

The Good Husband of Zebra Drive. Alexander McCall Smith. The adventures of Mrs. Ramotswe, proprietor of the No.1 Ladies Detective Agency in Botswana are addictive. This is the latest. Full of gentle humour and lots of humanity, they are the perfect antidote to 'civilisation'. Get them all. No sex, no violence, not much tragedy, and a simple joy to read. (Oddly enough, I can't get along with any of his other efforts. Mrs. Ramotswe rules).

Shakespeare. Bill Bryson. Sheer delight. Everything you ever wanted to know about William S., deftly researched, and written by a very funny man who doesn't try too hard to be so. Even if you're not a Bard-fan, you could enjoy this.

The Uncommon Reader. Alan Bennett. The Queen discovers that the traveling library stops at the staff entrance of Buck House. Unwittingly, almost, she begins to read (having avoided it for sixty years). The story starts here and is a joy! The denouement is brilliant. I love Alan Bennett, and play his readings and plays on my iPod and in the car. It might be worth getting the audio-book of this, just for his delivery.

The Generals. Simon Scarrow. See below.

Imperium. Robert Harris. Skullduggery in Ancient Rome. Just a great read, as I now realise have been all his books, starting with the Hannibal the Cannibal series. I think he deserves to be in the favourite writers section actually.

SOME BOOKS I'VE READ AND ENJOYED...or OTHERWISE...RELATIVELY RECENTLY

Oscar Wilde and the Candlelit Murders. Gyles Brandreth. Utter, name-dropping, 'see-how-erudite-I-am' tosh. He should be ashamed.

Is it just me, or is everything shit? Steve Lowe and Alan McArthur. The title is tragically prophetic, and how it took two of the buggers to perpetrate this load of old twaddle defeats me. It's another Grumpy Old Men effort, but is badly-written and  equally poorly-observed. Amazingly it appears to be selling well, which tells you something about the times we live in, but is a sad reflection on public taste.

Orson Welles; The stories of his life: Peter Conrad. I'm a huge fan of the flawed genius of Welles. I've sat in wonder merely listening to his voice-overs, I've marvelled at the way he transformed one's view of Quixote and Falstaff, directed filmic masterpieces that transcended his time, and became the extraordinary, likeable, evil and amoral Harry Lime. How anyone can write a book that reduces him to a luvvie is beyond me, but Conrad has managed it. This one is so bad that I can't think of anyone I dislike enough to give it to. 

A year in the merde. Stephen Clarke. Peter Mayle was bad. This is rubbish.

Talk to the Hand. Lynne Truss. If, as I did, you enjoyed her previous best-seller, you'll probably love this. It's in the Grumpy Old Men genre, and bemoans the disappearance of good manners, and the corresponding emergence of the horrors of political correctness, which seems to be seen as a replacement. Buy it for yourself, and copies for all your friends. Then buy everyone a copy of Lost Worlds by Michael Bywater, too (see above).

Fat, Forty, and Fired. Nigel Marsh. After reading of my fairly-recent public crucifixion at the hands of a coven of chubby losers with pebble glasses and sensible shoes, Nigel sent this to me as a gesture of support. I started to read it, therefore, more as a duty than anything else. But what a surprise! It's funny as hell, cathartic, wise, and in the end, about the personal strength and redemption of the man. Above all, it's entertaining. I can't recommend it highy enough. One day, I hope to meet this chap and talk long into the night with him. I'm sure you'll feel the same.

The Tipping Point, and, even better, Blink. Malcolm Gladwell. Sensible bloke, who explains things you already knew or suspected in a simple way. Anyway, anyone who makes a point of pouring scorn on focus groups has my vote.

Molvania. Totally hilarious. It's a spoof guide-book along 'Lonely Planet' lines. Had me fooled until they described Molvania as 'a land forgotten by modern dentistry'. Give it as a prezzie. That's how I got mine, and it beats socks, believe me. There's a new one out...Phaik Tan. Same format, and marginally less funny.

The Angry Island. A.A.Gill. One of England's most admired columnists, Gill can write a bit. This tirade against the English is hilarious. You just know that beneath the apparent hatred is a Scotsman taking the piss. Also get 'A.A.Gill is away'. Take my word, he's great.

Fierce Pajamas. A compendium of pieces from The New Yorker magazine, going right back to its heyday. If you like The New Yorker, you'll probably enjoy this. If you don't, you won't.

1421: The Year China Discovered the World. Gavin Menzies. The basic argument is that the Chinese merchant fleet discovered, populated, and traded with the rest of the world, including South and North America, and Australia, long before the Europeans turned up. The evidence is totally convincing, as is the apparent reason they kept it to themselves thereafter and this failed to capitalise on their seaman ship. It's not brilliantly written, but it's written with total belief and enthusiasm, which makes up for it. I notice that it's become a best-seller, which proves something, I guess.

...and now my running-list of recommended writers and specific books.

Writers

Patrick O'Brian . The Aubrey/Maturin Series. If anyone had forecast that I would become obsessed by the fictional adventures of an English sea-captain, and his pal, an Irish surgeon, during the Napoleonic Wars, I'd have sat him down with a nice blanket and some milk to wash down his pills until the white van arrived. But... for years, I couldn't bring myself to read the final book, 'cos that's all there is. Once you're hooked, your life is forfeit to the characters and the saga. A cult, and incredibly involving. If you've read Bernard Cornwell's 'Sharpe' series, this is a close but vastly-superior neighbour, with none of Cornwell's irritatingly portentious chapter-end cliff-hangers or predictably 'clever' plot-twists. And very few hyphens. Try and read them in chronological order, starting with Master and Commander. (Yes, I know the film was a bit of a bore, and I know Russell Crowe has the most punchable face in movies, but I beg you to think of the film as "Gladiator Goes Boating", and get the book).
Devotees will probably want to get 'A Sea of Words', which is an explanation of all the arcane naval expressions in the books, and 'Lobscouse and Spotted Dog', which is a selection of recipes from the books. Absolutely revolting, in most cases.

Terry Pratchett. The DiscWorld series. The undisputed master of the Lord of the Rings piss-take genre. Hilarious. There's a new one out, 'Making Money', which is almost as funny as the rest, but well worth reading in any case. In fact, he's written two 'kids' books since then; 'The Wee Free Men', (who will remind those who know him of Steve Elrick), and 'A Hat Full of Sky'. I bought and read them both. Nothing kiddie about them at all, other than a pre-pubertal heroine. Brilliant, clever, and funny. Just like the grown-up ones. His series of three books called 'The Bromeliad" is nice too, but not a classic.

Jasper Fforde. I started out with his 'The Eyre Affair', and then tried 'Lost in a good Book'. That one confirmed to me that the man is a genius, but has such a light touch that you're not oppressed by it.  Clever and funny, but mostly clever. Probably best read in the right order. I'm not going to try and explain his angle, but he's well worth getting into. There's a new one out called 'The Fourth Bear', quickly followed by 'First among sequels'. Splendid stuff.

Simon Scarrow. (The 'Eagle Legion' books). I bought the first in the series in a mood of some desperation: I needed to find an author who would keep churning out fodder for my long days by the pool. Patrick O'Brian was dead. Bernard Cornwell was getting so samey I kept on buying the same book and not realising I'd read it until a third of the way through. Alan Mallinson had failed to keep up the pace. I liked Lindsey Davis's characters, so I was a bit lairy about plunging into a saga about Roman soldiers in England. Anyway, I started at the beginning, and I'm now up to number seven in the series. What it's not is great literature. But they are great page-turners, and sometimes that's exactly what you need, like beans on toast or a nice cup of tea. Maybe I'm weird. 

However, Scarrow has now turned to a trilogy about the lives of Napoleon and Wellington. I bought the first,'Young Bloods', more in hope than expectation, and absolutely loved it. Just finished the second, 'The Generals', which if anything is better. I can't wait for the last in the series.

Iain Pears. 'An instance of the Fingerpost', and 'Dream of Scipio' being the most complicated and rewarding. But his comparatively lightweight and somewhat Donna Leon-ish 'Art -theft series' of books are great entertainment, too. I've just bought 'Death and Restoration', which purports to be the latest in the series. I hope it is...I'm forever buying new editions of old books. A recent book is 'The Portrait', which is also excellent but different to all the others.

Allan Mallinson. A series about the Napoleonic War exploits of a cavalry officer called Hervey. I've now read the whole series so far, and can finally admit to being hooked. Brilliantly researched, but better written,  and more credible than Cornwell's 'Sharpe' series, and rivalling the Aubrey/Maturin series by Patrick O'Brien, these are terrific stories. (The last one, though, was a bit tedious. Oh dear). 

Andrea Camilleri. More detective stuff, this time based in Sicily, and as is traditional, featuring a psychologically-flawed hero. There's a whole series of these. The translation can be a bit odd in places (like 'Helter-Skelter', when the meaning is 'Willy-Nilly'), but that rather adds to the fun. I just finished another of his, called 'The Snack Thief'. Excellent. They're all good, trust me.

Tim Dorsey ...(start with Triggerfish and Florida Roadkill) This bloke makes Carl Hiassen read like Jane Austen! Taking the gonzo novel to its inevitable crash-and-burn apotheosis, in a non-stop torrent of drug-fueled manic chaos, this is the leader of the genre. The plots are a bit chaotic...but who cares?  His hero, Serge Storms, gets funnier and funnier, which is a helluva trick considering he's a serial killer! The new one is called Cadillac Beach. Hilarious, again.

Bill Bryson. (He hasn't produced a dud yet. Very funny man)

Tim Moore. A bit Brysonesque, but he makes me laugh out loud rather more often. Spanish Steps for example: A bloke goes on the Camino Real pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela, with a donkey. Not encouraging so far? One of the funniest books I've read. Full of long, complicated, hilarious, (and frequently scatalogical) similes and metaphors. But occasionaly he can describe a scene with an eight word sentence..."I felt like a happy hobbit coming home"...and you need to know no more about the scenery, the weather, and his state of mind. Damn clever, I reckon, without rubbing in the fact. Try also 'Frost on my Moustache', (which as you knew, is also the punch-line of a very tasteless...and funny...joke), 'French Revolutions', and ' Do not pass go' (for Monopoly players only). His latest, 'Nul Points', is about the losers in the Eurovision Song Contest, and is therefore a bit specialised, and to be honest, not that funny anyway. No doubt he'll redeem himself with his next.

Jan Morris. As James Morris, the photographer on the Hillary/Tenzing Everest expedition, and author of  'The Empire Trilogy', which bears repeated reading. Then after a sex-change, she became the best travel writer ever. I just finished her 'Europe', but 'Spain' is the definitive work on the subject. See if you can get the illustrated version. And finally, 'A Writer's World' is new, and probably her swan-song. Buy it, read it, and keep it. Travel-writing doesn't get any better than this.

Armistead Maupin. The 'Tales of the City' series. He's seen as a sort of gay icon, which is a shame, because these are human stories, based in San Francisco, and, like life anywhere, have gay characters involved. The TV series sucked...if you'll excuse the expression in this context. The books have been re-issued as omnibus editions. His 'The Night Listener' is also worth reading. He has revisited the Tales of the City in his latest, "Michael Tolliver Lives'. Oh dearie me, no. Stick with the original series.

Tom Holt. A tad Pratchettesque, but mostly original and funny. 'In Your Dreams' is good and he's back to his best. But having thoroughly enjoyed all his Pratchettesque stuff, I decided to tackle his historical novels; 'Olympiad', 'Alexander at the World's End',and 'The Walled Orchard': They're much better! Brilliantly researched, and as funny as hell. This guy is seriously underestimated.

M.F.K Fisher, but start with The compendium 'The Art of Eating'. Mary Frances Kennedy Fisher was a woman ahead of her time. Fiercely independent, and yet, by all accounts, a bit of a raver! Basically, she's described as a cookery writer, but in fact her books are worth reading for the narrative alone. Try them and see.

Malcolm Pryce: His first was Aberystwyth Mon Amour; very odd. Very funny. He's an ex-copywriter pal of mine who may well become a cult novelist. I notice that he's now heavily-promoted by the publishers in England. So maybe it'll be even more than a cult success. I hope so; I read this in its manuscript form, and would love it if Malcolm really cracked it. I might get to stay on his yacht. The following one was  "Last Tango in Aberystwyth". Even better than the first. And a new one, "The unbearable lightness of being in Aberystwyth" has just been published, and is wonderful. (Amazon has just told me that Pryce has also written a thing called "A dragon to Agincourt", but maybe it's a different Pryce). 

Robert Rankin. On occasions, seriously funny. Rarely dull. I'm not sure how you'd classify him, though. It's Fantasy, but it's not at all Pratchettesque. No goblins or elves, unless they're served up ironically. I note he's won Sci-fi awards. It's not sci-fi, either. 'The Brentford Triangle', and The Sprouts of Wrath' are two of his titles. 'The Witches of Chiswick' is the last one I read. I liked it a lot. Some of his books are pretty awful, I admit, but he's worth persisting with. Funny as hell, but with deep philosophical points, made so that they slip under your radar. He's written dozens. Give him a go, anyway. ...not to be confused with Ian Rankin (below) by the way...

P.G.Wodehouse. What's to say? The funniest, sunniest writer in the English language. Now, and as far as I'm concerned, forever. The greatest cure for depression, and the only after-effect is a tendency to talk like Stephen Fry. I'm working my way through his entire oeuvre again. A joy.

(The rest, I've just noticed, are all variations on cops'n'robbers. If you're looking for something inspirational or challenging, skip to the next section!)

Randy Wayne White. Anyone who regrets the passing of John D. MacDonald and his multi-coloured oeuvre can relax. Mr. White is as good a writer, and his characters are credible and endearing. Maybe a bit short on originality...for Travis McGee, read Doc Ford; for Meyer, read Tomlinson...the formula still works. I'm indebted to Curt Detweiler for putting me onto this guy.

Robert B. Parker. (Detective stuff...good plots, well-written, shallow, involving. What else do you want?)

Ruth Rendell as long as it's an 'Inspector Wexford 'novel. He's one of the great characters of the genre, and gets better a 'he' gets older. The rest of Ruth's oeuvre is a bit depressing, frankly.

James Lee Burke. Detective stuff...dark and violent. The latest, "Jolie Bon's Bounce" is harrowing.

Lawrence Shames. (Detective stuff...funny)

P.D. James (The greatest crime-writer since Agatha Christie. In fact, she's a far better writer than Christie. The Lighthouse is her latest. Brilliant).

Donna Leon. Police/detective stuff, set in Venice. Great characters; Excellent plots; Pulp at its very best. She does about one a year, like Michael Dibdin.

Michael Dibdin ...as long as it features the detective, Aurelio Zen. Great character; police detective stuff set in Italy. Venice in particular. His new one's out...as is Donna Leon's. (I've just heard he died recently. I feel his loss personally; may his gods take great care of him).

Ian Rankin. Gritty, marvellous police thrillers, the best of which feature the grumpy, near-alcoholic human punchbag called John Rebus. (Now played brlilliantly, if a bit too prettily, on TV by John Hannah). Very Scottish in style and setting. Best to start at the early ones, I guess. Look 'em up on Amazon, or start with his latest, 'Fleshmarket Close', from any bookshop, and then go back and get the rest.

Lindsey Davis writes detective fiction set in ancient Rome. Her private eye is called Falco, and his sidekick is Petronius. Falco is, like all the best P.I.s, a bit of a loser. This series has grown on me since I picked up the first one (with some misgivings), and I now feel safe in recommending it. Ideally, start at the beginning of the series and work through them all.  I think the first one was called 'The Silver Pigs', and the most recent are 'See Delphi and Die', and 'Time to Depart'...both of which I've bought but haven't started yet.

Christopher Brookmyre. Like Robert Rankin, he's a bit hard to classify. I believe the expression used by The Times' literary critic was 'in your face', which explains everything you didn't want to know about the depletion of style in The Times, but not much about Brookmyre. Think of Carl Hiassen, but with irony and Englishness, and frankly, a better writing-style, and you won't be far off. Try 'The Sacred Art of Stealing' or 'Quite Ugly one Morning', for starters. His occasional hero is Jack Parlabane, a journalist, apparently, but in any case subordinate to the plot and the sparkling prose.The new one 'All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses An Eye' has new characters, and is brilliant.

George P. Pelecanos. His 'Blacks 'n' Greeks' ,'Cops 'n' gangsters' schtick, set in the USA, may seem unpromising, but he knows his people and his time-frame and his neighbourhood perfectly. I just finished 'Drama City', his latest. Excellent stuff. Buy any one, and you'll buy his entire output.

Books: The best, and the pretty good too.

The Diving-bell and the Butterfly: Jean-Dominique Bauby. Incredible, Just buy it.

Perfume. Patrick Susskind. A classic. Weird, scary, clever.

Birdsong : Sebastian Faulks. Probably the second-best book ever written around and about the First World War. Stunning.

The Little Prince. Antoine de Saint-Exupery. A 'children's' classic, with a very sad end that always breaks me up when I read it to my son. He thinks I'm most peculiar. I'll be glad when he can read it for himself instead.

All Quiet on the Western Front. Erich Maria Remarque. I realise that I should have read this many years ago, but for some reason I never got round to it. Now, at last, I did. I once thought that 'Birdsong' by Sebastian Faulkes, was the best book about the First World War. I was wrong. By a short head, this is. Under no circumstances leave it on the shelf, as I did. Apparently, the version I have is one translated by Brian Murdoch, and I have a feeling that the translation may be what elevates this to the pantheon, in my eyes.

The Pillars of The Earth. Ken Follett. Yes, Ken Follett. Forget everything you ever read by him or heard about him. This is one of the best sagas in the English language, and if he'd written nothing else, ever, it would have made him more justifiably famous. Basically, it's the story of medieval families and cathedrals, and how their destinies are intertwined. If that sounds boring, it's because I'm explaining it badly. I've given lots of copies of this away, and every single recipient loved it. If it helps to encourage you, this is Jeremy Clarkson's favourite book, and I've just read it for the second time. Now, he's produced a sequel, 'World Without End'. It arrived from Amazon today...I can't wait to get stuck into it.

The curious incident of the dog in the night-time. Mark Haddon. Absolutely brilliant. I guess it's a sort of detective novel, but the twist is that the main character, and the narrator, is a young boy with Aspergers Syndrome, which is a kind of autism. No, it doesn't sound promising, but read it and you'll thank me for the recommendation. The new one, 'A spot of bother' is, if anything, even better.

The Inquisition: Michael Baigent, Henry Leigh...(An easy trot through the subject of the Roman Catholic Secret Police, from their inception to the present day. And a predictably unappetising bunch they are, indeed. Not a learned treatise, and a bit reliant on details of the grimmer tortures, maybe; but worth reading if you're interested in the early period, or in the constant and ongoing evils committed by the gangsters who hijacked the Christian Church. This, by the same authors who brought you 'The Holy Blood and The Holy Grail' , of which, more below).

The Holy Blood & The Holy Grail : Michael Baigent, Henry Leigh, and others. Absolutely the best 'What If' investigative treatise of its kind. This book started me on a quest for the impossible truths of religion, belief and obsession, that led me all through France, Spain, and the Near-and Middle-East, and ultimately the Indian sub-continent, and made me a self-declared quasi-expert on The Knights Templar and the Freemasons. I can bore you for hours on this stuff. I've given this book to dozens of friends, and all have enjoyed it, even if none became quite as barmy as I thereafter. I used to think that if ever I write a book, it'd be the summary and encapsulation of all I've learned, that started by reading this one. But then Dan Brown did it, with The Da Vinci Code. Not actually a bad book, but based on several non sequiturs, which only anoraked bores on the subject like me would notice. However, the end is  predictable, so if you're one of the three people in the world who haven't read it yet, don't bother. The movie's quite entertaining, in my view...don't know what the fuss was about. It's just a movie, for chrissakes.

Captain Correlli's Mandolin : Louis de Bernieres. Brilliant book. Fucking appalling movie. And his trilogy: 'The Troublesome offspring of Cardinal Guzman', 'The War of Don Emmanuel's Nether Parts', and 'Senor Vivo And the Coca Lords' :  Marvellous, hyper-realistic, tragic, funny, ironic, stuff. Better than 'Correlli', actually. And a whole stack better than his latest, which is to be avoided.

Easy Riders, Raging Bulls : Peter Biskind. How sex, drugs and the rock'roll' generation took over Hollywood. A lot of fun. Probably mostly raging bullshit.

Salt and Cod: Mark Kurlansky; Along with 'Longitude', some of the least-promising titles for un-put-down-able books ever published. Get these and be a worse bore on these subjects than even your friends would have thought possible.

Baudolino. Umberto Eco. Brilliant. If you liked The Name of the Rose, you'll love this one.

Faster : James Gleick. How the world is becoming more complicated with every labour-saving device invented. Starting with the wheel. You've got to read this.

A Distant Mirror: Barbara Tuchman....A masterpiece of historical research, and totally readable.

Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead: Ayn Rand. High priestess of capitalism, and hence not very fashionable. But I read these two when I was about 22, and amidst all the hippie twaddle and left-wing daftness of the time, they gave me a new insight. Well worth the trouble of reading them now. 

Zimmer Men. Marcus Berkmann. About ten years ago, this chap wrote a charming book about village cricket, called 'Rain Men'. I loved it, and gave many copies to friends who were as cricket-mad as I am. (That's the great thing about cricket. Any sport that attracts Mick Jagger and Sir Martin Sorrell must be worthwhile, don't you think?)Anyway, Berkmann has now written a sequel, and of course it's merely the same stuff seen from the point of view of someone who thinks himself lucky if he's chosen to umpire, let alone play. If you like cricket and you mourn the passing of England, you'll love this.

BOOKS SET IN, OR ABOUT, ASIA

The Glass Palace: Amitav Ghosh. Excellent. Along the lines of all sagas, but based on truth, as all the best are. A tad too much political soliloquising, and notably false set-ups to allow the characters to pontificate...but picky-picky...it's a great read. And I'm indebted to my pal, Deven Sansare for sending it to me.

A Suitable Boy : Vikram Seth ...Modern India summed-up in a brick-sized tome. Perfect holiday reading if you're sub-continent bound.

The Death of Mr. Love. Indra Sinha. First of all, Indra is a very old, dear, and valued friend of mine, so I don't feel I have to 'be nice'. His first book (The Cybergypsies) was, to be honest, unreadable. So it was with some trepidation that I picked the new one up, and glass of wine at my side for encouragement, pitched in. I hardly slept for days. It is a masterpiece, and totally un-put-down-able. Despite the terrible title, this should take its place beside the work of Vikram Seth and Amitav Gosht in the library of brilliant sub-continent-based classics. Do not miss it. The latest news about Indra is that his NEW book, 'Animal's people' was shortlisted for the Booker Prize. So the man's arrived, big time. I have a copy, and will review it when I've read it.

Bangkok 8: John Burdett. Just a police/detective novel, but absolutely brilliantly researched and well told. His hero is a slightly-flawed character, as all good detectives should be, with a transexual sidekick. This is Bangkok...what else would you expect? His latest is 'Bangkok Haunts'. Equally terrific.

St. Jack : Paul Theroux ...The best book ever written with Singapore as its background. The rise and fall...and possible redemption...of an American loser. It'd make a great movie. ('Penthouse' made a terrible version, twenty years ago, which put everyone off. It was rightly banned in Singapore; but probably for showing boobs. It should've been banned for being crap). Time for a re-make, I reckon.

Kim: Rudyard Kipling ...Compulsory reading for every twelve-year old boy. Excellent forty years later; or better, maybe. It's worth reading 'The Quest for Kim', by Peter Hopkirk, too: The story of a man who, semi-obsessed by the original book, decides to try to retrace Kim's journey.

The Empire Trilogy : James Morris ...The definitive work on the subject of the hundred or so years of the British Empire, by the author who became Jan Morris. Mostly about India, and totally gripping. Unmissable, this one.

The Raj Quartet : Paul Scott ...His masterpiece. Again, based in India, but better by far than Forster's "Back-Passage to India". But when you've finished the Quartet, read the slimmer and unforgettably tragic 'Staying On'. Or get the video, with Celia Johnson and  Trevor Howard. Wonderful little book; wonderful little film. Box of Kleenex essential.

The Long Day Wanes: Anthony Burgess ..Marvellous stuff. Also titled The Malay Trilogy. Malaya is the setting, as in 'before it became Malaysia'.

The Singapore Grip : J.G. Farrell ...One of the great books by a great writer; the others being ' The Troubles', about Ireland, 'The Seige of Krishnapur', and 'The Hill-Station' . The latter two being set in India: This one is set around the fall of Singapore in the last war.

In Search of Conrad : Gavin Young ...Essential reading, if you're a Joseph Conrad fan. Or a Gavin Young fan, for that matter.

Noble House : James Clavell ...'Tai-Pan', 'Shogun'; I liked them all. But I liked this one best.

The Falcon of Siam : Axel Aylwen ...Yes it's a bit too much like 'Shogun-in-Thailand'. But it's a fun read, especially if you're visiting Thailand for the first time. Beats the shit out of 'The Beach', anyway.

An Empire of the East : Norman Lewis ...Lewis (see above) is usually a friendly old cove, who writes gentle, strolling travel-books, and is easy on the brain. But he breaks the mould with this one. Came as a bit of a shock to me, expecting another avuncular ramble. He obviously loathes the brutality and cynicism of the Indonesian regime that annexed Timor and other harmless neighbours. If you're going to Bali, read this first. Then don't go.

The Far Pavilions : M.M. Kaye ...A bit hokey, maybe. But again, great reading if you're taking a break in Rajasthan or the north of India.

BOOKS ON ENGLISH USAGE

Eats, shoots, and leaves; Lynn Truss. You've doubtless read this, and keep it on your desk. The best-ever book on English punctuation, and incredibly, a mainstream best-seller in the UK. Funny too!

A Mouthful of Air : Anthony Burgess. I think this is out of print. Move heaven and earth to find a copy somewhere.

Mother Tongue : Bill Bryson

Made in America : Bill Bryson

Troublesome Words: Bill Bryson

The King's English: Kingsley Amis

BOOKS ON THE CORRIDA

Bullfighting: John McCormick. A tad dry, but if you want to know EVERYTHING about the Toros, this is the concise  encyclopaedia.

Death and The Sun. Edward Lewine. The real-life story of a recent season in Spain, following and accompanying a top-flight matador. (Who, frankly, wouldn't have been my choice, but that's not important). It's probably the best book about The Bulls, not counting Larry Collins' classic about El Cordobes (below), since Hemingway's efforts. For an aficionado or for the merely curious, this is a must-have.

The Wounds of Hunger : Luis Spota

To be a Matador : Henry Higgins. Out of print, but a masterpiece. You might find it second-hand. The first printing had an account of his adventures in Spain with a hopeless wannabe, so if you do find a copy of that, I'll buy it off you for big money!

Death in the Afternoon : Ernest Hemingway

Matador: Barnaby Conrad

Or I'll Dress You in Mourning: Larry Collins. Out of print: The biography of El Cordobes, who redefined the corrida in the nineteen-sixties. But still the best book ever written around the world of 'The Bulls'.

...and one to avoid at all costs: 'On Bullfighting', by some poor sad sack whose name now mercifully escapes me.

ADVERTISING BOOKS

Oh, All right.

I was just beginning to enjoy myself there, for a minute. Can't have that, I suppose. The problem with books about advertising is that they're so quickly out of date. (And quite rightly, out of print).For archaeological students, Vance Packard's "The Hidden Persuaders"; David Ogilvy's "Confessions of an Advertising Man", and Jerry della Femina's "From Those Wonderful People Who Gave You Pearl Harbour" are diverting, and occasionally funny. You might find them in an auction. Jean-Marie Dru, Mary Wells, and a selection of other frocks and suits have recently visited their thoughts upon us, and I've tried...I truly have...to wade through them. Ghastly experience.

However, the splendid Andrew Jaffe has written a future-of-advertising book called 'Casting for Big Ideas', and although it's not really about ads and how to do 'em, it really does make you think. Despite its rather poor cover-design, my recommendation is to get two copies, and give one to the bloke who runs your office/agency. It might even help. Incidentally, I wrote the foreword, which was ruthlessly bowdlerised by the publishers. I promise it was funny, once.

But for purely creative bods, there are still only a few books worth buying:

And here I have to point out that there's a book...a big, thick, hardbacked bugger...on sale in China, called "Neil French". It has a black and white picture of me on the cover. DO NOT BUY THIS. It is totally pirated, and is merely this website, downloaded, translated into Chinese, and printed. Lawyers tell me that although I have a clear case, the chances of banking any damages, even if they're awarded in China, are nil.

"The Copy Book". Published by D&ADA. Brief "How to" bits from various fairly well-known copywriters, accompanied by their favourite ads. It's quite fun to find a well-known name and be horrified by the awfulness and paucity of his work. Or to be amazed at the brilliance and productivity of the undeservedly less-famous.

"The Art-Direction Book". (D&ADA, again). Same formula as The Copy Book. Same comments. It's not as good a read as its elder sibling, but I guess that figures.

(Note to D&ADA :These could do with an update, I think).

"It's not how good you are, it's how good you want to be". Paul Arden. This is a marvel. Very small, quite thin, with big writing and big pictures, it looks, at first like a lightweight. But it may be the best book ever written about the art of doing ads. My copy is permanently on my desk, and I use it to remind myself not to be such a jerk, from time to time. ('Not often enough', do I hear? Yes. Probably). He's done a new one, too, "Whatever you think, think the opposite". Splendid book.

Cutting-Edge Advertising", by my old and very good friend, Jim Aitchison. Despite a somewhat clunky title, (and a much-improved for the Third Edition cover design), this is probably the best long book on the subject. It is entirely, by the way, about press-advertising. "Cutting-Edge Commercials" is now out (sadly, with the same bloody-awful jacket-design as the original), as is "Cutting Edge Radio"; no doubt "Cutting Edge Shelf-Wobblers" and "Cutting Edge Stuff-They-Shove-Under-Your-Door" will follow soon. Unfortunately, each successive book is a bit blunter than the last. Buy the original, though. I give dozens of copies away to students, every year. The Third Edition is now out, and considerably updated, with colour reproductions of many of the ads. If it was invaluable before, it's now compulsory reading. It's got a whole colour section on the World Press Awards. Thanks muchly, Jim.

"Hey, Whipple, Squeeze This", by Luke Sullivan. Another fairly horrid cover, and somewhat gnomic title : But a funny book by an excellent and perceptive writer. A lot of people say to me "Hey, Frenchie; why don't you write a book?"...The reason, frankly, is that Luke has already produced the book I'd like to have written. And he's written it better than I'd have done. So buy it.

"e" : Matt Beaumont : The most original, and embarrassingly funny, book of the email age. Essential reading for anyone who's ever worked in an ad agency. Some blithering idiot wrote a rip-off called 'Who moved my Blackberry'. Avoid it.

There's a book by Andy Law, called 'Creative Company'. It's the story of the setting-up of the agency called St.Luke's, in London. An almost legendary success-story already, the agency did deservedly well... until recently, anyway. The pioneering spirit of the founders is totally admirable, and it may well be that more companies will come to be organised this way. The first couple of chapters are quite fun, and will be familiar to anyone who has broken-away from a megalith and started their own business...the plot, the characters, and the denouement are as predictable as a Greek tragedy. But, frankly, the majority of the book, though transparently well-meaning, is a bit boring. So I can't honestly recommend it.
 
 

(I've been told, by occasional politically-conscious and literary-fascist web-surfers who, presumably, come across this site by accident, that my choices are appallingly low-brow. I thought the rest of you'd like to know that. So, listen: If you don't agree with my selections, by all means tell all your friends, if you have any. But spare me: You looked-up my opinion, but I don't give a toss about yours, OK?)